If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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