I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
worst night to have a conscience
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
