every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
