so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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