yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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