D3 body, D1 cock
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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