Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize