theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
