If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
