you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
