Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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