you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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