She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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