One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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