last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
