people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
