my text book just quoted the cookie monster
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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