I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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