Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
