I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
