Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
