I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
