Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
