I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
