I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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