ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
