We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
