watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
