He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
