winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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