I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
