just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
