he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
