I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
