Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
