I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
