but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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