Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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