I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
