I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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