she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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