Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
