I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
