i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
FUCK WHALES
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
