Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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