I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
