it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
