Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
