Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
