Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
