why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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