in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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