The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
