My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
