I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
