Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
