This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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