dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
