Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize