Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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