WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
