i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize