do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
