I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
