..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
