It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
