i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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