TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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