his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
