I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
