At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
