nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
