Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
