JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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